Wednesday, August 03, 2005

GoodBye

亢奋心情过后,留下的只有无尽的空虚感.

昨天下午,心情超低落.
不是为了他,或许是因为他.不过我还是想,跟他无关.
是我自己... 是自己本身的问题.
重复不停的听着无赖,发现,无赖是自己.我是主角.

我寄短讯给蟑螂,可是完全没回应.
预料中.他也该觉得够烦了,因而不必要再多加应酬...
我能体会.no more next time, i PROMISE, ok?

压抑着压抑着.
买了属于自己的第一包烟.跟蟑螂抽同样的牌子,salem.
他看见了我的打火机.我想拿他的mild7light,他不给.还说如果我要抽,就离开他的屋子.
我暗笑,笑得好厉害.好讽刺.好好笑.
晚上全情专注的工作.对他那4大瓶啤酒虎视眈眈.不过我不喜欢啤酒!
啤酒又不能醉,我酒量太好了. 所以决定这个周末去找cocktail... 还要等到周末... 哀.
我是在折磨自己吗? 还是在做愚蠢的事情对吧.
我太压抑自己了.这个不能那个不行,我的世界充满了一大堆NONONONONONONONONONO
which make me tired, fedup... SO MUCH.

I can see the options.
1) let's forget everything, move ON bravely
2) just let's go everything, just don't care anything anybody, just total give up the whole world.
what is the best what is the worst, i know. the main point is what do i really want from myself?

I need sometime to think about this, need some space to calm down myself & my mind to make myself clear enough to pick the options. I need to reallocate myself, put myself onto a new start point. Life just go on like that, day by day year by year. I feel, i want something strongly, the compelling desire to achieve something else in my life. but hey, what r they? where r they & how are them now? can anybody tell me? can... only myself...

sad sad sad. cant help myself anymore. I feel so lost, feel so helpless, flooded in jealousy, *hate this kind feeling*
I need to move myself away from this blog thingy. for a while. I request/expect something from it., but which really make me disapp quite often too. I want something... see u GUYS.

0 beer_bottles

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胡言乱语 by快乐的鱼鱼Image hosted by Photobucket.com at 8/03/2005 12:07:00 PM

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